Until Angels close my eyes

2009-09-26T23:55:00.002+08:00

"The shortest sentence in the English Language is 'I am.' "
But the longest sentence for a guy in his lifetime is 'I do.' "

2009-09-03T16:53:00.000+08:00

Belief, Disbelief and the in between.
(Pretty much sums it all. All)

2009-08-31T20:30:00.003+08:00

I need to devise a fool-proof plan to be game for
the A's in about, say.. +/- 2 months.
Here goes nothing:
Take a break from taking a break.
There, man, you're so gonna ace it. HAHA

2009-08-30T20:12:00.003+08:00

(Our team won Frisbee!)

A Midnight surprise at Trudy's!

(Happy 18th!)

And.. our dear nephew- Brandon.

He's barely a month and he's so fragile.

Truly, a wonder Lord.

2009-08-30T20:05:00.001+08:00

"如果你忘不了过去,
那就干脆不要忘记了.
埋在心底里作为人生故事的一部分,
那沈寂的过去就会变成养料"

2009-08-29T14:52:00.004+08:00

"Give a girl anything, she'll multiply for you.
You give a girl a house, she'll give you a home.
You give her crap, she'll give you a bucket Full Of Shit."

2009-08-26T21:27:00.004+08:00

Just one of those reasons I've always admired doctors.

Wel: "You want to wear this, STUDY HARD"

Jel: ...

2009-08-14T18:46:00.002+08:00

"Hah...." It's a relieve you cannot imagine. PTL!
Still. (the best)

2009-08-02T00:27:00.003+08:00

Sky +Traffic light.

We were so hungry!

Charmaine & I.

3rd wedding we crashed.

I think we're mad. After running like hell, Izzaty has a wedding lunch

to attend, I have a wedding dinner and Shu has hers to attend tmr too.

Char and I went over the counter and since it's like free flow (heh) we

asked for red wine. After that, we asked them to mix hard liqour with

coke which tasted like crap so we just left it on the table. Seriously..

Anyways, while we were viewing the video put tgt, we saw Father Bosco

as their main celebrant. I told Char that I'm gonna have Father B as mine

as well. Know what the fool said? Yeah, start with talking. Damn, we're so

FOS.

2009-07-24T21:16:00.002+08:00

To finish what had yet begun
I can feel it, the breeze.
It's breathing on me.
I'm going to answer this time.
But, let me pass just once.
Let me dwell in oblivion, just this once.
And I'll go.
"Those who are weary, come to me.
And I will give you rest."

Making sense of that scent

2009-07-16T15:57:00.006+08:00

Happy B'day Dear girl! (11th)

Funny huh, how I always don't seem to be ranting about

the A's but almost everyone my age would. Well, if you

really must know, it's a phase of what I call- oblivion.

And I'm screwed 'cause my weekends are jammed packed.

I really am not cut out for these, it's not my calling.

Ah, shoots, I don't really want to go into that now.

Especially right now.

I'm so tired, I want to shout 我不要玩了
(Take this cup from me, Father)
I'm amazed, I want to know how it is that one can feel void amid a crowd
(Though you're there, and I know it, I just;)
I'm tied, I want to do what I do
(I can't, can't I?)
It feels so heavy, isn't there anything out there, anyone at all?
(Not what we want always, it doesn't all come that easy know)

p.s: Want to know why? Because it's too precious, It's the

I'd rather kicking in. But really, it's me, I think. Because

I'm afraid I'm the only one playing this game. And I bet I am,

Ha, a bet in itself.

2009-07-15T20:16:00.001+08:00

It's a concept, at least for me.
Breathe

2009-07-14T20:25:00.001+08:00

These are getting, a lil' way too interesting.

2009-07-04T01:55:00.002+08:00

This is hilarious, let's see when's all these gonna end.
The suspense kills me yet keeps me going all the same.
Everyone.. not one or two, they aren't gonna let it go? let me go?
I'm trying, yknow, really hard that is.
Don't wait, because sometimes it's not exactly a virtue.

2009-07-01T15:35:00.000+08:00

The Spirit of Convenience, isn't it?

2009-06-20T22:03:00.002+08:00

Happy 18th Qianru and all my dear June babies! Hahha, for Fathers' Day tmr, my church has organized a 7 a side soccer match and My dad's borrowing my rugby boots LOL. It's gonna be over at Hihs, so excited + I bet it's gonna be hilarious.

Non-stop hits huh Jchia, this holidays. Well, wait till A levels hit you in the face. I can't wait for the 8-month long long holidays. Totally.. Europe (crossed fingers Cher, Jer!), Thailand (fools!) and whatnot.. ARGH stop thinking!

His Grace is sufficient for me. Nothing we can do can ever make Him love us less.

2009-06-19T00:07:00.001+08:00

NYC'09 camp 15June - 18 June was awesome!

2009-06-14T09:59:00.002+08:00

I feel like someone who's looking in, in this time capsule. Somehow, for the first time I really wanted to kick myself in the side for being right. I should have known better. There were too many, it blocked them out, I couldn't do anything. Yes, what is there left to be done? Really, so many of what I've heard over the years which I thought were just mere words hit me hard. Yes, minus the runny nose I couldn't exactly breathe. This is a revelation, to me at least. I'm really thankful.

2009-06-08T00:01:00.004+08:00

So it's all about spicing up your life right?

Well, recently I chopped my hair off, it feels so light like it's as if I don't have any hair left. Haven't done that in like what, 7 years? HA. For starters, I'm running low. With all the birthdays coming right up, I don't see a bright future down in my pockets, (ah, the GSS) Right, then I watched drag me to hell at elevenish last night, it was wtf and lol at the same time. Maybe it's because of the movie, the whole day today, I thought I was having the pericardium thing I always had. I don't know why, maybe it's because of the half retreat I attended yesterday at the csc, I'm kinda looking forward to Nyc camp next week. Okay, maybe I should really stop going out so much and start working on my freaking holiday assignments. Btw, it's getting worse. On a scale to 10, you're ranked 10th in ways you can't imagine, or not.

"A reason to live and a reason to die. Christ, and he alone."

2009-05-30T13:58:00.003+08:00

Gosh, what's wrong with me. I've been feeling my lowest these few days and I've no appetite, this is hilarious. Well, for most, I just hope it's the Pms.

Okay, so this is it. How true, the one thing we learn from life- it's short. I don't know, you know all these years, I really did what I could, well, just so I thought. No Jer, it's no one's fault. No matter how many questions we may have, no matter the purpose of your existence here, God knows. And he'll guide you to the path you're supposed to take, no matter what it may be. No one has the right to stop you from walking the path you choose, because God gave us our free will, and the Spirit- driven conscience. There's no guilt, there's nothing to forgive, there's nothing to fear, there's nothing to mend. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. God doesn't put you through anything you can't pull through. What did you think a family is for? Really, coming back to see the world in your home when we're supposed to be the shelter from the world? It doesn't make any sense, does it? I'm really sorry for pretending I didn't know. I was so disillusioned. I grew pretty quick these few years. Way beyond my years. And I'm grateful I ever did. I'm grateful for you, mom and dad. I'm grateful for what I have now. I can't ask for more, I shouldn't, and I won't. I wouldn't trade you for another other elder brother. I know I haven't been there to support you or to lend you a listening ear when you needed someone the most. I'm sorry. And I love you, always have and always will.

"God will lead a way, when there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see, God will lead the way for me. He'll be my guide, hold me closely to his side. "

2009-05-17T12:29:00.002+08:00

Today's sermon goes:
"When 2 people in love meet, there I'll be,
dwelling in their presence."
The greatest love is laying one's life for a friend.

2009-05-02T20:19:00.002+08:00

"Open the eyes of my heart, Lord. I want to see you;"

When there's so much you wanna do, and there's always so much more to say;

Sometimes, it's an open book. Sometimes, it's an intangible mystery. Sometimes, it's fatigue and it sets you in. Sometimes, it's just, just how it's meant to be.

Fitting my hands in my pockets, walking down those fields, taking in that scent, that air, witnessing your wonders and its magnificent beauty, oh how I can't wait! And oh how many are left behind. Left me by. It's that knot in the stomach, that urge to know. The suspense kills me and keeps me going all the same. Right, a living paradox of the everday.

2009-04-30T18:39:00.002+08:00

I'm sooo excited, Cher just im-ed me on msn and asked me
whether I wanted to go on a long (2-month) trip around
Europe during my 8-month holidays after the A's.
At least, I'll have something to look forward to.
She changed her SGD to pounds alrdy, lol!
I think I will too, before it appreciates again.

2009-04-26T11:02:00.001+08:00

A living paradox.

2009-04-24T20:46:00.002+08:00

Leadup game- canoeing

our 3.5h late lunch at Sushi Tei from the usual 9am break

At the Esplanade

Wonder who offended the sun man. It's hot, hot, hot all this week! Today was SRolympics, which is a fancy name my college gives for sports day. Well, I took over Valerie for Ninja warrior (I survived a Japanese game show- Sr version) and a 30x200 relay, which was also last min because they lost the entire list and Laurel called while I was playing bridge with Lyn, Shu and Kyna at the squash courts. It was okay-fun but I wanted to play taboo with the teachers though! Yknow, My Ang (lijiang tchr) really left me speechless when he spoke to me today. Seriously.. Anyways, 4 of us went to Serangoon garden's sushi tei with Weiting and Peiling (who's still sick, recover soon!) and Lynette and I were being silly competing who could slurp our soup the loudest and longest, the waitress was laughing at us, I swear. Well shu did the same before that and had a very dbs face on, finishing with an 'oishii' hahaha. Kyna place a dash of wasabi on my chopsticks and Lynette said matter-of-factly "I'll give you $2 if you put it in your mouth" HAHAHA and I did. Gosh. Kyna, Shu and I went to the Art library@ the Esplanade to do some homework. I definitely can't wait for the June holidays!

Obsolescence

2009-04-19T19:38:00.000+08:00

$20? You're on! (like we would)

2009-04-16T20:12:00.001+08:00

Cheap thrills; one of these days, it's either gonna be my mind that kills me or my heart. Well, I'll bet mind!

2009-04-10T18:20:00.000+08:00

That's what my whole class got for Project Work!

2009-04-08T17:06:00.003+08:00

Doublethink.

The lecture today got me intrigued. I seriously need to get a life and continue with what I left behind. Doesn't it sound so familiar? Don't I do it everyday, every action crosses my path, that evaluation, that process, those thoughts, the swamp of figures, possibilites.

The significance of one word and the depth of what that's told.

2009-04-04T17:23:00.001+08:00

Passive aggressive.
never, never knew.
Busy, busy next week! Palm sunday and the holy week!
Maundy thursday (excited about the annual church visits), Good Fri,
Easter Vigil on Holy Sat and Easter come Sunday!

2009-03-28T00:25:00.002+08:00

Today, the sun was just relentless,
thank God Dad fetched me to school.
I met Jan and Eleanor for mass and stations of
the cross. We went to the AR after that and saw
many kids at the csc having 'kids ministry'. So adorable!
As usual, that inner peace surfaced after I said my prayers.
When I have my eyes opened again, I felt alive, food for
my soul. 3 of us went to the 401 playground to reminisce
the good old primary school days and had sucha good
laugh! What with the teachers, friends, crushes,
embarrassing moments and whatnots, what will we all
do without them man! (oh God, I suddenly rmbr what I
told Glennard on my B'day that I'll tell on him to his kids
next time "Last time your Daddy..." HAHA opps)

Anyways, this may come a lil' late but many thanks to
everyone whom has made my 18th B'day a very blessed one.
On 21st, Jan texted 'You are allowed to dress up. Clue.
Alcohol included.' Well, the next thing I thought- timbre.
True enough, Jan, Char, the guys and I went down to
Raffles Place and walked to Timbre, but it was full house
though I bet the ambience would be great with the live band.
We walked to Clarke Quay and ate at MFM. Gosh, I still
rmbr Adrian's idiotic comment on 'that thing' - ah, what
would I do without these bunch of fools, lol!
On the train back, all of them sang me the b'day song when
midnight struck and I clapped along because it wouldn't
seem that obvious who the person was. In the train leh!
Tk went home and the rest of us went to Bliss, and Huibing
met us there! I'm the only legal one (officially!), but like
at 1am, seriously, no one cares. We ordered 2 jugs of
beer, (they only sell fosters that way), long island tea
(which sucked pretty bad). Ed, Jy, Adr, Weiyang, Jan
and I played some game and of course, you drink if you
lose. Huibing went a lil' high (drunk, they say), Jy went
completely red, and I was a lil' dizzy but Adr's right, I've
got substantial amt of tolerence. hahaha
They crashed my place. The guys played texas poker for 4
hours straight. I opened a bottle of espiritu, got 9 wine
glasses, we cooked cup noodles. Binghui got hungry
again so Char and I cooked some instant noodles for him.
Char added lots of sauce after I separated the noodles and
soup and the comment Bh gave after his first mouthful was
quite funny. "Funky" he calls it. Then, Adr came and tried,
he said it's really nice and went for another spoonful.
Well, Fy tried and said it sucks. Bh suggests Char & I open
a Funky noodles stall. Right.
Then, approaching 7, Char & I had a really interesting talk.
I mean it. Really interesting. I think our laughter must
have disturbed my grandma who stayed over.
I still rmbr what you said charmaine. Pancake huh hahaha
So, I had mass at 11am and I managed to stay awake all thru'
the day with an hour's sleep after they left, close to 9am.
Godma & family came and then I went to meet Wenhui,
Madeline and Glennard. We went to Clarke Quay (haha,
my 18th's totally spent at clarke quay) to meet Qianru
and Xiaotong and I had a blast playing zhongjimima with
the chocolate cake and afterwards, the drinks we bought
at Mac's. I cannot seem to forget Glen's expression when
he bit into the frozen strawberry. I even ask why he looked
so upset and tried bitting the strawberry. I gave the
same expression. We walked to raffles place and I came
out of tanjong pajar mrt looking really lost. Found M
hotel and joined family for dinner.
Thanks Jer for the lovely cupcakes!
Jan came to pass me a beautiful card, it's really heart-
warming, thank you Jan!
I was a lil' grouchy on monday morning because of the
lack of sleep and probably pms and the start of term 2.
Lyn, Shu and Kyna were behind my locker when I opened
it and they sang, thanks for everything you girls!

I'm actually quite excited to be done with the year.
Well, for most, what's been happening and all.
A level commences 10 Nov, ends unofficially 23 Nov,
officially (Bio Mcq) 3 Dec.
Well, I'm halfway the school song this CTs and I
seriously think I'm mad. My whole class behaves as though
a it's holding a funeral for each subj and I'll still be at my
seat laughing. Oh well!
There're lessons on saturdays now and recently, I'm just so
overcome with fatigue, it's amazing how I passed the 1am mark
today because I'm usually gone by 10.
Jan and I have this plan to find our Hips friends thru' facebook
"class of 2003". It'll be fun if we all meet up!

2009-03-20T10:29:00.002+08:00

The unwritten social code
Today was kinda fun going to Orchard Hotel for the intl' buffet
with Wel and meeting Jer there. We met Jan and Huibing before
they headed to tts, first time seeing them in their nurses' uniforms!
I went for stations of the Cross, it was enriching and after that,
nothing beats just 5 minutes in the AR.
That peace, I'm so glad it's coming back, all
coming back.

Wanna know why?

2009-03-14T10:30:00.003+08:00

Uh oh, uh oh, big time!

Last night seemed like I was going through the phase. Get out of the closet! I will, in about 2 weeks. I'm ready now I guess, Africa.

2009-03-01T21:17:00.004+08:00

Crisis, in ways more than one.
My head's so heavy these days, tmi sometimes,
it's gotta stop someday I know, but I can't just will it to.
Dear Lord, bring me back to you.

2009-02-25T23:10:00.002+08:00

2009-02-24T23:41:00.000+08:00

Pun, pun, pun, pun.

"Breaking barrirers whilst crossing some"

2009-02-21T11:55:00.002+08:00

2009-02-15T22:37:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, I met Glennard, Madeline and Shuqi at Kovan to taupau food up Xiaotong's to celebrate her B'day in advance. There were like sushi, pizza, soyabeancurd, carrotcake, satay and her artcake. Stupid Tpjc! Why have camp on 17th Feb! hahaha

I walked all the way home, it's really nice walking at night. Anyways, Takkin and I met up with Adrian and we sat at Mac's to talk. Binghui and his friend, Glen came and 4 of us talked till a whopping half past one! I learnt quite a bit from Adr, I never never knew man.

Today, woke up with a flu (looks like I'm waking up to smth new everyday!) Dad, mom and I went for lunch and he wanted 白开水. Guess what dad told the waitress? "我要 Pa Ka Seh" Man, talk about almost dying of embarrassment. hahahaha

Looking inside in, yknow, They know best.

2009-02-14T09:35:00.004+08:00

1s11

Orientation ended on Thursday (No waking at 5.45 and
trying to reach school at 6.50!) but back to lessons were
definitely a bummer. Well, for most, I woke up today,
on Valentine's Day without voice, and it hurts like wooo.
I'm quite excited, we bought our berms and are gonna
wear come Monday! I like the finale best, the orientation
ended on a high, especially during the college dance
where we were dancing together in a circle, the freshmen
saw and followed us k! hahahaha All the OGLs did the
combo cheer after the finale and Lynette, Guanhua,
Jhohan and I played volleyball. Peiling and I met some
of the girls from our 1s11 for dinner and it's really
nice seeing them having class dinners already!
Well, don't know what's wrong with me, but the whole
day in school yesterday I was feeling like crap, Lynette
could see that I was grouchy! Well, received V'Day
gifts from all the girls (It's funny how girls are doing
it, where did all the guys die to man!) and Lynette
went "The reason why we're not doing this is because
we are all beyond this, superficial material things.
Way beyond that!" HAHAHA
Y'all know I love you, enjoy today all!

2009-02-10T18:49:00.000+08:00

Tanned, screwed, but still me. Actually, so me.

2009-02-01T23:22:00.001+08:00

Yeah, another one would kill me so I'm definitely not gonna get into it. And guess what, I can do away with them, I'll show you.

I'm so, so tired Lord. Give me rest. I want to go Home, I really do.

Happy Lunar New Year!

2009-01-26T22:25:00.002+08:00

Since eve's on a Sunday this year, we went for mass and
Mom and I headed for Compass to get the green hair ties
for our orientation. HAHA I was half an hour "late" for
meeting and when I walked in, Jerry said "Pay Day had to
come!" (I'm the treasurer and recently, I've been collecting
debts accumulated over the years, some dated back to 2006)
We shared about our families and on St Paul's letter on Love.
After meeting, Trudy, Sebastian and I just complained about
J2 life and slacked for a bit. I took a nap before we went over
to Yeye's. Gwen grew 2 teeth already, Natalie, Gabriel,
Joshua, Jonathan, Jer and I (I guess my family loves the J
initial, well, the Js rule the world, right Jerry? hahaha)
were in the Kitchen having our little own seoul garden
style reunion dinner, while the adults and the rest had
steamboat. Cheryl and Charmaine came and then they
distributed the hongbaos (the all time favourite moment
during reunions right! HA) Char, Cher, Jon, Jer and I
squeezed into the sofa and there were some funny scenes
whereby my very idiotic-knows-what-im-thinking cousin,
charmaine would give me the eye whenever I give her.
Cher, char and I shared a can of calsberg, lol!
Anyways, Jer had this idea: he drives us in dad's car to
clarke quay and then send us all home after that.
Everyone but the parents were for the idea and of course,
we ended being ferried to the mrt in uncle paul's car.
We went to Clarke Quay- Clinic. They checked our IDs!
Apparently, only char and I were 'underaged' but I
didn't bring any of my identification so I told him that
I'm 40 (and he said, no la, you don't look that old what.
What! He really thought I was thereabout then?! shoots)
6 of us shared a RedBull Vodka, robbed 9 bucks outta
each person's hongbao reserves. And I, being sucha
cookie monster, bought 2 gigantic cookies as well from
nectarie. We decided to check Chinatown out and maybe
to join in the countdown (20 to 12 I think)
It was like an Amazing Race, lotsa running but we didn't
make it quite in time. We went up the People's Park
Complex (30th floor) but we spent the entire countdown
thing in the lift, but we could hear the fireworks and
firecrackers though. The view was amazing.
By the time I hit the bed, it was 2.30am and I've got
reading in church at 7.30am. WonderFool.
初一, I went to the CNY service and read with Tru.
I got my 2 blessed oranges (I really wanted to take more
HAHA) and I went home to catch Step up! on star movies
before I crashed onto bed again. We went to visit
Zhorzhor at noon and my lens got all unclear again.
It's probably because I can feel the warmth and love
by the sisters and how sincere and pure they are.
Some nuns joined the sisters and a caucasian one smiled
at me, that moment was just so so heartwarming. They
are so blessed! We went to Mama's house and I was
hovering round the kitchen with Mama frying the beehoon
cause I was already super hungry! We played blackjack and
at Melvin's last round as banker, I tow-ed the deck and
he had a whooping double Ace. Triple know! So Mel
said "Ox(him) and Goat(me) are good friends!"
Don't know what came over me, probably too much
Kyna and her DBS, I said "Ox eats goat what!"
He said "Where got! You never heard of beef and mutton
satay before ah!" HAHAHA
So, the game wrapped up and I crossed over to Dad's side
with uncle tony and uncle mike, they were playing
tai-tee. Dad won 80 odd and he let me play for him.
I was kinda reluctant cause the stakes were quite high
but I won la, hahaha! So he gave me $10 (what a good deal!)
I flaunted the note to my brother and he was
complaining about it. Dad came out of the room with
his stack in his hands and threw 2 $2 notes at both
my aunts and another in my direction (I grabbed again)
My dad told Jer "Okay la, I give you $5" He threw and I
picked it up again. Dad took a stack of notes worth $30
and said okay, I'll just throw, first come first serves.
He threw the whole pile in my direction (so it's really
just a fight between Jer and I) so I instinctively
grab the whole pile. I bet Jer hadn't absorbed what
was really going on yet! HAHAHA Everyone just
laughed out loud and teased Jer "Where's your
龙马精神?" Jer and I walked around town (its really
good to shop cause it's not packed at all but most of
the shops are closed, damn. Jon suggested that I
skip school on Wed to shop. Heh) and we bought
ben&jerry's. We met Jonathan for Bride Wars.
Sigh, my ct rep texted the class about the upcoming
quizzes/tests and homework. I can already forsee
my tomorrow. Great! I'm supposed to be gambling know.
Meanwhile, collect for hongpaos reserves you guys,
you'll need them, trust me.
Can't but I guess I really do. Why then do I keep turning around,
watching over my back?

2009-01-25T00:52:00.002+08:00

The beginning of the 2nd week of school was definitely unbelievably stressful with the 2 tests and all. After that, my mind just shut off automatically and there you have it, not doing anything again. Well, on Friday, we had CNY celebration and I was late the first time this year because Dad's car got stuck in the jam. Shu, Laurel, Regina and I sat together cause Lilin's performing, Lyn and Kyna's yknow, probably still sleeping. After the concert or whatever it is, I met up with Kenghong, Tricia, Aaron and Winson and we headed to my favourite place in school as of the start of the year- the study, to crash. We sat on the beanies and viewed our lijiang photos. They were being really annoying (HA!) but it's really nice seeing all of them again! I met Peiling and Siongwei along the way out of school and took a photo with SW in her Guzheng costume (I told Peiling the day before I was gna grab hold of her for a pic, but she changed out of it alrdy!) Then Weijie joined us and we went to Heartland Mall's pizza hut outlet for Ms Woo's treat! Evelyn joined us a little while later and Regina stopped by to tease her and she spoke in her usual CMI chinese and I made fun of her. She turned tables round and commented about my 'Pian tai' instead of 'Bian tai'. Great, and she also reminded the group about the 刺激一下 thing. hahahaha It was really, really fun to meet up with them and we will again sometime soon to treat Ms Woo to Earthquake! I met Lyn and Shu at the mrt and met Kyna at Bugis. We walked to Haji Lane and took quite a few pictures there! Kyna left to meet her friends and Lyn kinda demostrated her really no-sense-of-direction self! 3 of us decided to have our dinner at Hip Diners USA by Billy Bombers and we had a great girl talk there, I felt kinda satisfied cause I had my oreo milkshake (heh, hope mom doesn't see this though) Then Lynette left and Shu & I went to Vivocity. Met lots of people throughout the trip, from juniors to many SRJCians to Church people like Vanessa & Alvyn. Guess what, Shu & I went to Madame Butterfly and picked out a few Cheongsams, and went to fit them on! HAHAHA, it was hilarious but Shu looks really good in one. I just look confused, as always. Damn but I would want to owe one, be proud of your culture! I bought a dress too from Outfitters', probably one of my favourite shops for my B'day HAHAHA (which is still 2 months from now but heck)

Today, I woke up cursing and swearing because I followed my own little tradition again. Ah, nvm. Met up with Glennard, Zhengyang and Xiaotong. I bought my bagpack (finally, Yay! No Pink Lijiang bag anymore, super aa, I know and it's so prominent and noticeable which spells lots of trouble, damn it again) and we went to coffeeclub. Glennard was showing some card tricks and I was tricked by him sometimes hahaha. We began talking and really talking. It's really funny how Zy and I exchanged glances and I needn't look at Xt anymore because both of us know. Something Glennard said made me realise and then, made me scared somehow. Sigh, it's really a girl's thing to think a lot, and I absolutely loathe it. We ate at Sushi Tei and I had the Spicy Miso Ramen, which I didn't expect to be so spicy. We stayed till they closed and walked back to dhoby, talking about anything under the sun, from like gender differences to religion and science (hahaha, like what, enhance Gp lessons!) Great great talk with them!

I'm really starting to feel it, everything!

2009-01-22T22:43:00.003+08:00

Happy 90th Zhorzhor, 46th Pauline yeeyee, 40th Welna, 18th Amanda Lee and Melissa! HAHAHA

How time flies! Welna, my maid who's definitely family has been with us for 14 years, can you believe it! She's into the big 4-0 now.

Of all, be safe, amiga. Vaya con Dios

2009-01-20T21:42:00.001+08:00

X's and O's in my notebook.
I got this off Trudy's wall:
"Your future depends on your dreams so go to sleep!"

2009-01-19T18:57:00.000+08:00

"The Spirit of Convenience"

-Oh I see.

2009-01-18T13:59:00.002+08:00

It's getting too loud, the silence is really deafening. The closed doors, the exchanged looks, the exasperated sighs, the monologues, the recognition, the words, oh yes the words. They wouldn't have known. It's been practised for years, no one would be able to know the difference. It's been cultivated, it can be controlled now, it's really scary. All drained away from the face, but never the eyes. They speak, speak of depths never told, mustn't told, look away, they wouldn't know. Beneath the curves, the lines at the corners, yes, they wouldn't know. Apprehension engulfs. Still, silence. All entwined, it's convoluted. I couldn't hear. The breeze, brought not the voice I wanted. His soft prompting drowned. White flagged, but I don't want to, I couldn't.

"Father, take this cup from me", but let your will not mine be done. Family?

2009-01-15T22:20:00.002+08:00

Super busy this week and the next, and next.

I can't wait for CNY, like school-liberation, totally!

The silence was deafening.

I saw the anguish, the clenched fists, but still, silence.

They know not what we think.

I cannot, I mustn't

Words as such left me seeing through lens so unclear

2009-01-14T21:24:00.001+08:00

Deeper, embeds. It lies within.

Please, please not again.

2009-01-12T16:20:00.002+08:00

It's right, you're right.
Same words, same underlying comprehension.
Same drop, same sigh
Same understanding, same complexity
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things
I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
An exchange

2009-01-11T15:18:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, I went to Plaza Singapura to meet up with Xiaotong, Madeline, ShuQi, Shaun, GuanZhong, Jinkang and Taikeng (ooh, Primary 5 was sooo fun with Clement and Vivienne). Anyways, I went to the ticket booth and couldn't find them. I know it's damn mean but I was looking for Xiaotong cause she's more prominent then I saw Shaun and he waved me over. He said I was like so slack, cause I seemed under-dress as almost everyone's in jeans and shoes. "Hello, it's not like I'm going pa-tor right!" HAHAHA Oh, eh We saw Darren and his girlfriend, I suppose which was really kinda weird cause we've only just met (unofficially, but the thing is we dont even really know them for that matter) and she asked Shaun and I how old (or young, damn it) she looked. I was quite amazed but just decided to play along though you definitely will know I dress in sync with my mood. That night was a really no toe-stepping one. I said she looked like us (or most of us, damn it again), 17. And she slapped Darren on his shoulder or smth and replied that she's 18. Ookayy. Another thing, I got my popcorn and coke first and she came over and said," Can I ask you something" (and fiddled with her phone) so naturally, I assumed she wanted me to help her snap a shot. Apparently, not. She wanted to drink from my coke. Amazing, ain't! Stunned, I agreed and there you have it. We barely even know her, much less her name and it seems we've known each other forever! HAHAHA We meet new people everyday, don't we all? Well, we caught the movie marathon of Red Cliff 1 and 2. Gosh, for an entire hour of Red Cliff 1, I could understand the storyline I think but definitely not the rationale of anything, I tell you. I mean, beside me, Shaun looked equally !??!. Xt, Madeline, Shaun and I seem to misunderstand the genre of the movie as comedy, cause we kinda kept laughing. I knew I was being irritating by asking who Caocao and some other characters are but it's quite confusing with all the fighting going on. Anyways, during the break, Madeline, GuanZhong, Taikeng and I played bridge, yeah, in the almost dark. And then, Xt, Madeline and I sat on the ground to catch part 2 (we were at the front row). All of them were gonna ton except me, because I've got reading in church at 7.30am today. So I caught night rider home. There were no easy seats so I decided to stand and lean against the window pane. For a half hour, some noisy guys were like beside me and it was really weird and I almost felt claustrophobic (I really appreciate personal space). The bus was into Serangoon and I looked out of the window. The bus stopped and I closed my eyes and when I have them opened again, out of the corner, I just felt someone smiling over in front of me. I thought of it as really weird at 3+am (I hate the 3rd hour the most) but whatever, I just continued looking out. Okay, until I couldn't take the teeth reflecting off the pane for another 3 seconds anymore did I (took my chances) and turned to look at the person. I looked, for a sec, and couldn't make out who he was. SEBASTIAN SOON. omg, it's totally utterly embarrassing I tell you. Anyways, he said," why don't you ask your boyfriend to send you home?" "Eh.. and I told you it's okay, you don't need to see me home" "It's a responsibility (-.-) and did I say something wrong?" "I guess so, the boyfriend part, I think." "oh, okay (acting or being really astonished) I over-estimated you then" OMG I almost laughed out loud (literally lol-ed) into his face. HAHAHAHA what a day!

Shag this morning man, and school's tomorrow. I'm excited and not excited. Shoots

Perturbed

2009-01-09T17:49:00.004+08:00

Take a look at these hands.

She was lost in so many different ways

Out in the darkness with no guide

I know the cost of a losing hand

Never thought the grace of God go high

Here I go again! Now I know, not this one. Not, yet!

够刺激吗!

2009-01-09T00:02:00.004+08:00

Okay, so yesterday Lynette and I met Shuxian and Kyna

at the Hongkong cafe at Kovan for lunch. We had over 2

hours before touch so we played bridge (hahaha, 2 hours'

nothing, we played for like 5 hrs I think, at Sentosa)

We decided (actually Kyna) to keep raising the bid to 刺激

the winner and damn, it would be the most hip chinese

phrase from us because of the stupid impromptu mistake

I made at Lijiang. HAHAHA

And then the whole Aaron saga thing, damn 刺激 also right!

Today, Lynette must have over 20 missed calls from me,

Kyna, Shu and Daniel. Shu and I met Mrs Ting at Dhoby

Ghaut (I will really miss her HAHAHA)

Well, Shu and I met Daniel and Kyna and we went over

to Minds Cafe. We played Taboo (very 刺激also) while

waiting for Angela, Lilin, Laurel and Tammy to

come over. Then, we played the bigger version of Taboo,

snorta, and some bone game which was the most 刺激!

Um, shit. I just remembered Kyna, Laurel, Tammy (twice)

and I didn't do our forfeit. (HAHA)

Daniel, Kyna, Tammy and I went to Suntec's Fountain of

Wealth (pretending to be tourists so we won't appear as

suakus) and went around it like the others 3 times.

Kyna and I wished good for our A's (LOL) and when we

came out of it, both of us spoke in chinese on purpose

(note our conscientious effort in pretending to be

tourists!)

Prayers are constantly noticed in heaven.

Wherever there' a heart big with sorrow,

or a lip quivering with agony,

or a deep groan of sadness,

the heart of God is open. - Charles Spurgeon

2009-01-08T11:14:00.002+08:00

No doubt, yesterday was fun but I woke up aching all over. Damn! Well, Lynette and I attended Ogl meeting and decided to see the new gross canteen. We saw Aaron sitting at the tables and then we went back to the concourse. And then, both of us thought of the same thing, I guess. We brought people to the canteen again and saw Weijie along the way so we asked him to come see. HAHA When Aaron saw us approaching somehow, (it all happened so so fast) he sprinted and towards the hall he went. So much for wanting to see though. But the funny thing was, when Lynette and I walked past Aaron at the fields again, he gave us that funny gg smile the same he gave us when he met us at the gates (again). He turned away and gave the "why them again!" expression. Oh God! hahahaha.

And Aaron, Truce now.

Lijiang Trip!

2009-01-05T16:18:00.009+08:00

With Jonathan

Up the plane

On the tram

With 1 layer on y'all

Boarding to Lijiang

Shrek!

HAHA our bathrobes

Grp 4 on the coach

Primary School

The lovely kids there

The girls!

With Tricia, Winson and Naxi tribe girls

All of us

Yes, the" 我们来刺激一下"moment

I like these girls best! (hahaha)

Walking to one student's house

With Tom, our guide

Kindergarten!

Glennard and I on the slides!

I love this shot!

Dancing the Naxi 舞 after dinner

Our cute 官家!

Our hotel man!

Trek

Delirious, I tell you.

"Tina, your guesthse damn near"

With Glen and Kh

At Tiger leaping Gorge

HAHA Where Tricia and I went goofy

Jade snow (or ice) mountain!

Instead of listening to the guide..

My hotel bunkmates!

Our pink bags!

2009-01-05T15:25:00.003+08:00

Lectors

The girls (:

Greg's snapshots, as usual

Gonna be back.

It's 2009, you guys. We're gonna be 18 this year (can you

believe it). Actually, as of last year, I was 39, so effectively

I'm 40 yeah! So I predict routine. Play catch up and mug.

Ah, great. So looking forward to school.

I really hope our iceskating-minds-steamboat plan don't

get busted!

L, you can pull through because He will never put you thru'

something we cannot handle. He has blessed you and will continue

showering his many blessings!

2009-01-03T00:13:00.002+08:00

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth

Would care to know my name

Would care to feel my hurt

Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star

Would choose to light the way

For my ever wandering heart

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin

Would look on me with love

and watch me rise again

Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea

Would call out through the rain

And calm the storm in me

Happy New Year all!

2008-12-31T19:18:00.003+08:00

Mff

Sensored!

Lectors

Caroling

Charmaine!

Mffs

My place

Tanning with the girls

Chinatown!

Feliz Navidad Y'all!

2008-12-26T12:34:00.011+08:00

Shopping!

Svdp

On the Organ!

3 fools

Peace to the world

Charmaine! LOL

My fav. girl!

My fav. boy!

With Jer

Ah Jia!

Off-duty

Esther!

Snowing at Ps

Stayover, 6am

Forfeit

There you go

Presents!

HAHAHA

Dad and Mom

Mama making fun

Yeye, Mom, greatgrand, mama

Little Nyonya gang

Cher on the guitar!

Dad's Little Drummer Boy

After Midnight mass

One sister missing downunder!

Zhorzhor

Adr drinking his wine-beer-ribena

mix as forfeit at Edwin's

Charmaine and I at Yeye's

2008-12-23T11:51:00.002+08:00

Now tell me, What the hell is wrong with me?

It's supposed to be over, done and over.

urgh, it's doing that thing again. Like an inner contortion

Share the good news

2008-12-21T00:09:00.002+08:00

Hello again, I'm gonna share what Sister Christine
said at the Lectors Retreat just now.
Emmanuel- God is with us
If God is for us, who can be against us?
Are we truly ready to let go what that's necessary?
We'll see boundless fruits if so.
This is the season- advent- to carry Christ
Giving yourself to others without expecting anything
in return is only possible when you fully received-
in the heart of God.
Am I bringing Christ to others or taking Christ from others?
And then at Jerome's we were talking about relationships
Like always, and like I've always believed
There'll not be a relationship unless God is present,
for God is Love.
That was me, in that instant I saw.
The fellowship, the longing, the Spirit.
The movement, the heart and words.
I really wouldn't be who I am today without Lectors so
for the 7 years I've been in lectors, love everyone!

2008-12-20T23:29:00.003+08:00

Right. So it's been one hell of a week and after the trip, I've been trying to meet up with everyone to catch up with the still bloated tummy (damn it!). Well, the girls and I went tanning Tuesday and had the girls talk. (Oh, I've done lotsa talking too this week, you'll see why) And then I met up with Xiaotong, Qianru and Madeline (God, it's been soooo long since I last saw her) for another girls' talk and a lot, of walking. And just yesterday, I caught Twilight (I was so excited about it and then, well it wasn't that bad la, it's just, not right) and I did a lot, a lot of sale shopping with Cheryl (Cher, it was pretty fruitful but have you found your phone yet!) and then Takkin and I coincidentally met Adrian and Binghui at Macs! (It's been ages since we've last met, too. I HAVE INDEED BEEN INSIDE THE CLOSET. Damn, it's about time to get out already) Both of them were super cute and silly with their questions and all plus, Adrian leaned over for a hug (whoa! Yeah, I know but it was really nice). I totally forgot what or even whom I've gone out over the week but these should be it, right? Anyways, today was the nicest, I think. I stayed up last night till like 3 plus (Funny, cause yknow I hate the 3rd hour) to read Breaking Dawn. Trudy then called me at like 8.45am? (She totally woke me up and I was wondering why she would call so early!) Then it kinda struck me the same time she said it. OMG, THE RETREAT! "Wake up" "aww, I totally forgot....(gushing).." "Yeah, Wake up (already)". So matter-of-factly. hahahaha. Well, I put on my newly bought purple hood shirt (it's my favourite now already) and asked Dad to fetch Wynee and I to RioVista. The Retreat was pretty good esp the input by Sister Christine. We headed for Jerome's for some tea break, supposedly but Greg said to practice caroling. Ohwell, Wynee said "So near yet so far" to the food. HAHA We broke into parts and can you believe it, I'm doing Sop, melody. G-R-E-A-T. Others left one by one and Jerome said something like Let's go ice skating (I didnt mind actually but so few ppl!) so me, Tru, Sebastian, Vanessa, Jerome and his wife, Charmaine were left and we talked and really talked. It's really nice. We talked about relationships and guys and girls and I've gained a lot more insights and it's pretty cool. I played catch up with Trudy and realised I've been missing out on quite a bit with all my absence from meetings. (heh) Quite hyped for Christmas, cause Wynee and Tru's planning some X'mas thing after the midnight mass (I absolutely love midnight mass esp at my church cause it has some awesome ambience) and gambling and eating and drinking with the family and the Christmas meet-ups with friends! I'm opening my house up for Lectors carols on the 27th (yay, cause I wanna show my decorations off LOL). Tomorrow, Jan, Shaun, Jy and I are going out after the Sdvp Christmas party! Next week's worse and probably the next so breathe, jelena and all else, it's gonna be a ride. Meanwhile, since it's the season of advent and all, I want to really do a verbal, sorry written thanksgiving (without the turkey, ha, cold joke) Oh yeah! I've yet to get ANY X'mas gifts for everyone and I'm so so dead. See, I've bombed $250 on myself and am predicting more on Monday when Cher and I go another round but I swear, I'll get it all settled by then. And Christmas cards too, and homework (urgh, Takkin!) and almost 'bout everything! (I've no idea why this post sounds so excited. Probably the Joy of Christmas and indeed too much joy to the world from carols)

2008-12-16T12:09:00.001+08:00

jelena: (Shows Jer her still bloated tummy) See?

Jer: Why still?

jelena: Don't know. Maggots and Dragonfly larvae?

Jer: Yknow maggots are hard to kill? They might lay eggs in you

-stunned-

2008-12-13T20:31:00.002+08:00

I totally love, love this group!

Many thanks to Aaron, Weijie, Winson, Kenghong,

Lakshmi, Tricia, Evelyn and Ms Woo!

2008-12-06T11:14:00.003+08:00

This whole week has been amazingly busy. Thursday night, Jan, Fran, Karyn, Huibing and I went over to nyp to have dinner, without Vivienne again. 15th and 22th! I cringed at the mention of his name. A deep awakening

Just yesterday, Jer, Cher and I went for some Seoul Garden and date the moms out for Four Christmases. Well, Catyeeyee thought we were gonna watch a thriller and got quite freaked out. Even after we we entered the cinema and the movie's about to start, she still thought it was gonna be a shocker, but then, the Christmas music gave itself away. I finally completed Book no.2! I can't believe I stayed up till 2am to finish! I'm quite excited, okay not quite, very, excited about the movie Twilight, caught its trailer and it seems exactly like the book. From 4X'mases, this is what they say "You can't spell families without lies, as it is." Home

I'm be in Lijiang from midnight to the 12th! See y'll soon

2008-12-04T14:37:00.006+08:00

These days went by quick, far too quick. It's so weird because it's so close, though all in a daze. I didn't set out to feel this way, I didn't want complexity. Rather, I couldn't afford them. Trivial, in comparison. How would such thoughts be harboured! Are you awake now?

Anyways, I'm 24 now. Looks like my age is also subjective. Apparently, Jason's (Happy B'day!) friend, Marcus thought I'm the elder sister of Jeremy. Like, excuse me?! Uh, I probably did mention this to everyone who had a problem believing I'm only 17- My aunt's ex thought that I was 27 when I was like TWELVE? So being 24 at 17 isn't half as bad. I'm starting to really look forward being 18 next year. That's at least a notch up the restriction- more believable seemingly.

I've been reading lately and maybe a lil' too much, so much so that Wel and Mom's been down at my throat for not packing for Lijiang instead. Suddenly, there's a knot in the stomach and somewhere, at the back of my mind, says that maybe staying is the best idea. Or is it not an option?

Beautiful Awakening!

2008-11-29T21:19:00.005+08:00

Did I mention, last Tuesday, being the last day of
what's left of school, had been a real rollarcoaster ride.
So this is definitely a looooong about Tuesday post.
First up, upon arrival from being a lil' late for school,
I hear about how I'm not in the same class as Lynette,
Kyna, Shuxian and Regina! What?!
Great, so my class' at M2-2, (that's kinda good well
cause, the cafe's just beside so we can go grab a bite
anytime right! hahaha) Okay, it's not so bad afterall
cause they're just next door.
Let's move on to a disastrous lunch preparation at
Lynette's. Kyna, Shuxian and I crashed at Lynette's to
kill time before OGL meeting, so we played Wii.
HAHA the most hilarious thing was the game where
we had to spot the difference - we were given 3
characters, 1 off colour, 2 the same (R! alert) Well,
obviously, it's nothing to do with anything that sort
but I had really no idea and time was running out and
I didn't want to lose to Kyna so I randomly clicked the
off-colour one, Bull's eye! It was sooo random. The
answer was to look at the person whose footwork
is the odd-one-out, see, there's always another way of
figuring out.
Right, so Regina came over. She bought Maggi Mee and eggs,
she's gonna cook lunch for all of us. During lunch, we were
kinda deliberating whether to go meeting, or not. Anyways,
we decided to and Shuxian and I brought all the utensils
to the kitchen and mass wash them. Guides do the trick.
Heh. We went downstairs and stoppped 2 taxis, both
waved us off because they really couldn't afford to offend
the authories to ferry 5 people, know. How law abiding.
OKAY I'll stop the tone. Regina and I hopped on one and
the rest said they would another. As expected (LOL),
Kyna texted Regina to say they'll meet us directly at
Eastcoast. Great, it's super embarrassing cause we were
like 20 minutes late for the meeting. We broke up into
our groups and my leader's just wow. SR really has some
decent number of very, very interesting people.
Went to lijiang meeting, I requested that my group be
first, but couldn't. So after the first very long and
impressively well-spoken presentation, Tricia and I
asked Mr Tan KK ad he finally relented.
So, I met the other 3 for Eastcoast. We were playing
cards on the bus and we taught Shu and Kyna bridge.
3 classmates called us, asking us to buy butter.
Funny, just walk to 7eleven up ahead, cause we thought
it's that area. We rented bikes and it's for 2 hours only.
We found out that it's really damn far.
Cheryl's leaving for Melbourne soon, Mrs Oh bought a
cake and we wished her well.
When everyone left, 4 of us continued playing bridge
and only returned the bikes at 10.30, 2 hours past the
allotted time. To our horror, the shutters were down
and shit? The shop was closed. Just great, we
panicked cause there wasn't any place to return the bikes
and none of us really wanted to ton over just to babysit
the bicycles. In the end, we talked to the Macdonalds'
manager and the staff were so, so kind to help us. We
followed him to the store at the back and then my parents
came to fetch all of us back, Kyna's fetched her back.
Now, wasn't that one heck of a day?
Well, the next morning at 9am, Shu, Dad and I came back
to return the bikes. The shopkeeper came and made lotsa
noise about it. Quoted from Dad "it's all about who can
tell the better lie" HAHA, totally. Initially, we had to pay
surcharge 20 plus overnight and all, so each bike may
amount to 40 odd, with Dad's eloquence, we paid none.
Heh, it's our fault, definitely but it's not like they didn't
lie about waiting us up til 11! hahaha, we rock.
I have a video of Dad riding 2 bikes simultaneously,
I'm still pretty amazed by it.

The voice within tells of the impossible,
the mind works the possible,
the heart does it all.
In his time.
Condolences to the family of the hostage.
My Lord, forgive them for they do not know what they do.

ps: My X'mas tree's up, so are my decos!

2008-11-24T19:34:00.000+08:00

For a while, there, the familiar scent.

2008-11-23T20:49:00.002+08:00

Wel & I drenched

Mom & I out

Jer & I

Mom & I

4 generations!
Greatgrand, grand, mom & I

Lynette, this is the best
tangyuan! hahaha

Seletar Country Club
(I want to hold my 21st
there!)

2008-11-23T20:06:00.004+08:00

Okay, I'm totally feeling the backache this morning

when I woke up for church. Just yesterday, we had to

wake up early to reach Macritchie Reservior at like an

ungodly hour of 7.30am. Dad, was kind enough to ferry

Kenghong and I there! Well, the trek to Bukit Timah

was definitely fun and it's really no joke carrying 5

1.5l of bottles while doing so. HA Kenghong and I kinda

poured water away so it's like we have 4 bottles only,

BUT it still made me hurt like crazy today! We bumped

into the Odac people at the foot of the hill (hahaha, as

if damn high like that! But still!) and heard that

"Shimin", our Indian Lijiang mate got hurt pretty bad.

Hope she gets well soon with the cuts and all!

The slope at the reserve is really gg. It's so steep and truly,

proves the theory of gravity. My roomie, Tricia (who

exceptionally looks so much like Clare) and I were goofing

throughout the trip, we kinda ran (okay, tried too) towards

the guys from our group since they reached the top of the

slope first. Well, whoever couldn't make it for this trek,

it's their lost. (Heard that Takkin, Glennard and Aaron!)

Kenghong and I were like cursing at Tk and Glennard,

especially Takkin since he ps us and skipped all 3

trainings! Got to know the Lijiang group mates better,

and that's a plus yknow. They're really interesting and

I've no idea why, SS and Weijie suddenly talked about

Spirituality during lunch. So, I'm really looking

forward to it, for the 100th time already and make sure

all of you come send me off. LOL

I'll make sure Jer's there since he's always flying and I'm

always going to the airport for all the wrong reasons!

I'm already blabbering, I haven't posted an entry like this

for ages!

Did I mention, Welna's leaving us next year. It'll be like 14 years!

This X'mas is definitely gonna be a blast, I'll make sure.

2008-11-22T20:45:00.001+08:00

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping at your nose,
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir,
And folks dressed up like Eskimos.
Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe,
Help to make the season bright.
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow,
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.
They know that Santa's on his way;
He's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh.
And every mother's child is going to spy,
To see if reindeer really know how to fly.
And so I'm offering this simple phrase,
To kids from one to ninety-two,
Although its been said many times, many ways,
Merry Christmas to you

2008-11-18T10:43:00.002+08:00

There'll always be some people you'd come back to;

Family.

Now, I really can't wait for Christmas though it'll be

quite different since he's not around anymore, but

his spirit lives in all of us.

Lord, please change my heart.

Let me find my own way back

"It's really coming back, it's intoxicating, it's real.

But it cannot. I won't allow it. I can't."

2008-11-12T22:01:00.002+08:00

So different, yet the same It's probably all that burning up that's making me delirious. Why don't they understand? Can't they see? I know, wrong turn again. But, it's not like I've got a choice, do I? If only some words just fall into place, now, it wouldn't be sucha disaster, a beautiful disaster.

2008-11-08T23:12:00.002+08:00

Happy Holidays!

As advent draws near, as the chimes go,

gloria and carols sing, let's be thankful for

all that's bestowed on us over the year,

and have a great thanksgiving!

2008-11-03T23:41:00.005+08:00

All that has happened, going away would be good, so lijiang, come quick! The breeze picked them up, gave them a swirl and put them down. What lies beneath is a beautiful scent,
a knowing trail Settlement seems so far; judgement, so near. It's all coming back again, the need to, the obligation, the conscience, the Spirit. There's a certain calling, a certain longing, some uncertainty, where this thing can go. Never wavered, now do. Never thought, now do. Still, the walk. Still, the children. Still, the warmth. Still, the norm.
My Lord, change my heart.

2008-11-01T23:26:00.000+08:00

Some sort of deliverance from this; Yes, is what I need.

2008-11-01T11:52:00.002+08:00

All Halo's eve was yesterday and damn it,
Jeremy got to dress up and he rented a pair
of black wings HAHA.
Happy Halloween!
Well, kids all over the Philippines are partying all night
at cementries. Kids in the western regions are probably
trick-or-treating. Sadly, nothing for me but "Tuesdays
with Morrie" for company.
Today's All Saints' Day and is also,
Chunling and AnneMarie's birthdays,
have a great one you two!
My Pw group broke the record man!
We're meeting, finally, for the 1st time today.
Yeah, I just love the sound of the apparent church bells
at the stroke of noon every 1st of the month.
According to the S'pore Civil Defence officer,
whom we received a course from for guides, he said that
it really isn't the church bells but it's in fact,
a siren system, kinda like testing in case of future
emergencies.
Anyways, tomorrow's All Souls' Day,
do remember the souls of all the dearly departed,
pray for them!

2008-10-25T15:48:00.003+08:00

Remember the time you were 11,
writing diarires and thinking of your crush,
giving him embarrassing pet names?
"Oh, I'm so in love," dramatically.
Remember the time you were in elementary,
thinking of nothing but play and boys,
living only in the moment,
oblivious to everything around you?
Remember the time you were gushing
and blushing simultanteously,
telling your best friend about who and what, this and that,
calling a certain someone every now and then?
Remember the time you always just wanted to hear the word,
no matter how many times he told you already,
you never got sick of it
and it's always just the 21st letter of the alphabet?
I sure did!
I had sucha good laugh (at myself and all my friends) last night.
I really miss those days!

2008-10-20T23:14:00.001+08:00

I feel like crap now.
My shoulders hurt and school's a total bitch.

2008-10-19T21:37:00.001+08:00

You know, I know.

2008-10-17T11:18:00.001+08:00

I miss them all suddenly!

2008-10-15T23:53:00.002+08:00

Then again, you'll see.
I only pray the reality doesn't come as a shock.
I've only told you sooner.
Because sometimes, wisdom doesn't come with age.

2008-10-15T21:54:00.004+08:00

So you see, watching tv all day isn't that bad an idea you know. I came across this quote "Coincidences don't exist in this world. Coincidences are actually consequences." And just, I caught America's got talent, a really touching variety show I must say, "If you want something, there's always someone who wants it more. If you think you're good, there's always someone better." They're all so very true! It's pretty amusing, this place, this time. Have I mentioned I've personally seen, heard, smelt(inside joke) a lot since I stepped foot into this college in March? Again, it's not that bad an idea afterall. Good for the soul, can't say the same for the black and whites though! Hahaha

"I feel like I'm living someone else's life"

2008-10-13T21:21:00.004+08:00

All I can say, Thank you Lord.

The "selective memory" Lynette mentioned is really

quite true actually. The weeks go by and it didn't seems

to occur to me that I sat for the promos!

Everything's happened so quickly, you don't even

have time to catch your breath. Sometimes, stop,

you'll realise you're missing out a lot.

I realised, on my part, that I've been going thru' life,

not living life. These days, Imma walking zombie,

carrying out things out of obligation, without meaning,

without purpose, feeling apprehensive about what's

in store, uncertain about the different aspects,

where I am, who they are and what they're all about. Faith,

it's the voice within.

Yknow Grandma came over yesterday and previously, I

would think nothing of it like it's just grandma, coming

over. Yeye's passing definitely made me think.

The comtemplation did me some justice because it was

as if it's a rude awakening. I'm not afraid to say this,

Sympathy, regret and guilt were all I felt that moment

I called out to her. I haven't always been close to either

grandparent/s since we'd grown up (or out of it).

But, just then, even if it's the Spirit moving me,

I missed having the opportunity of not having this

gramps-child relationship! A pity, I'd make up for

lost time.

The feeling's like releasing a dozen white helium

balloons, I swear.

2008-10-12T09:48:00.000+08:00

It's a See, I told you.

2008-10-06T01:17:00.002+08:00

I agree with Charmaine. This whole week's been
crazy. School the next day and back and forth yeye's.
Prayers, night vigils, singing hymns, playing badminton,
running around with the cousins have been the most
wonderful. It's really heartwarming to see 19 cousins
together almost every night, especially Eri and
Mitsutake, who are really cute! Imagine how we
communicate with them, using signs and whatnots.
We so totally need to learn Japanese. Eri's so cheeky
and mischievous. Welna, both of them and I had a
blast in my room just now whereby stuff toys
were all over the place and Dad was goofing around
with them too. I would really miss this week though
it's been really really tiring. But then again, the
most beautiful thing is the family and friends coming
together and celebrating the life of Anthony Chia,
whose life was dedicated in serving God. The priest
said in his eulogy "He'll always greet others with
'Praise the Lord'!" My Aunt's friend said she saw
a vision of him with 2 Angels looking down from
the sky. I'm not certain if this is true. But, it
definitely gave us much comfort and peace in one
way of another. I'll miss this week a lot as all of us
embark on a new journey and go our seperate ways
once again, in our own lives. And I love the flower
fight we had on the day of cremation after the buffet
lunch, we were plucking off the wreaths sent to us,
and collecting the many rose and other flower petals,
throwing in the air and at each other. It was fun
to see the little ones having so much fun, I love the
way the petals fall through the air and onto the ground!
Anyways, Goodluck Bill, Natalie and Ambrose for PSLE
tomorrow! Cheryl, Charmaine and I were like, teaching
Ambrose and Natalie some math, hope they'll do
justice! LOL. 188, go for it! And, TAIWAN. We gotta
all go and visit Uncle Moses and family!

2008-10-06T00:35:00.001+08:00

"In heaven, looking down with 2 Angels dressed in robes"
"The family would have blessings, hundred fold."

2008-10-01T02:00:00.003+08:00

And so Anthony Chia was taken home to be with
the Lord on 30 September 2008, 0316.
3.16, coincidentally, it's John 3:16, yeye's favourite verse
of the bible "For God so loved the world, that he gave his
only son so that whoever believes in him shall be saved."
Yknow, sometimes when we take things for granted and
procrastinate, thinking that there'll always be tomorrow
to let someone know how you felt, you're wrong.
Last Sunday, our entire family gathered and sang hymns
and prayers, decades of the rosary, he fluttered his eyelids
open and close. And though it was heartwrenching to see
him in pain, suffering and in tears, whether he's touched
by the Spirit of God or by his family, his agony was
necessary to prepare him for today, his passing.
It was quite a ride today I must say. I had a Bio Mcq exam
today which I thought I could wake up to 5 to go thru' a
little, I woke up with the sms from Charmaine about his
death. And to think I couldn't sleep last night at all,
but for all a different reason, I was excited.
So I got up and couldn't concentrate on my books
anymore, and went straight to yeye's at 6.
I heard about how peaceful his passing was, tears
turned into joy and I tell you, I've never cried ever since!
How wonderful is it to have the Spirit descent upon you,
and you calling the name of the Lord before your last
breath? "Let the little children come to me"
Indeed, his face was one of a child's when he passed on,
so childlike and precious, like that of Mother Teresa's.

After the exam, we went to Fish&Co to celebrate
Regina's 18th. She had to stand and hold
a sparkler while everyone sang her the b'day song. The
entire episode was hilarious!
Charmaine and I left the wake at 11 plus and celebrated
Fangyuan's 17th.
Our Japanese cousins,Eri and Mitsutake, are kinda like
completely oblivious to what's happening. They're so
young! Cheryl said that Jer even rode the bike around
mama's coffin some 13 years ago and we were screaming
and playing catching just beside.
What a lot to experience in a day!
Well, he's with the Lord now and he'd tell mama I
said hi.

Thank you all for your condolences, may God bless
and keep your family knitted!
It's the first time in 13 years I'd attend a close relative's wake.
Mourning clothes plus the cloth patch pinned on your left.
The cousins and I were just joking about how we, the
Black coloured ones were higher ranked than those blue
coloured ones. And Jeremy, being the eldest male, who's
considered to be the deceased's youngest son, has the
white one, the highest. Not to mention, a new fashion,
Ah-pek flip flops. Hahaha, okay, I'm gonna turn in now.
Tomorrow's gonna be a long day.

2008-09-28T00:06:00.002+08:00

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
be surrounded by
A million people
I Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know
And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two “I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that
Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
I’ve got to go home
Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home
And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me
Another winter day has come and gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
"Home", seems so far away now, does it?
When our time's up, it's home that is.

2008-09-27T21:07:00.002+08:00

"The people you know best
are the ones most capable of surprising you"
-xoxo, GG

I should seriously get down into finding one.
Whatever am I to do, gosh, this is so hard.
Forget it, I'll just stick to being it.
I need to get life.
When the whole world does it, and you're out
looking in. It really isn't helping, is it?
Stepping up isn't much of a problem,
it's just getting out.
I don't want to do anything about it, it isn't really
gonna do justice to anything but, you see,
sometimes, you just don't live for yourself,
there's what you call others as well.
Urgh, this is exasperating!
Not what I set out to do, or even thought I'd have
Others, others, others.
Haven't I already said? It's already bad to always have to
live under one's scrunity
It's worse when it becomes a liability, an obligation.
Besides, there's nothing more I could ask for.
I guess.
I don't know what's gotten into me.
It's just a lot of thinking. Maybe all that comtemplating have
gotten me down. Not that it's anything worth being excited about,
but I do wish it were the end of the month already.
I'm so sure things would look up then.
Tomorrow, at grand-dad's, we're gonna have a barbeque.
To be honest, I'm not ready for this.
It's not a matter of being close to someone or even try to
catch up while someone's still alive.
Sometimes, don't you wish you lived simply, out in the barn
where you would actually be so close to Earth and experienced
and witnessed life and death so much so you wouldn't question,
or doubt. In the Winter, they die. Come spring, all will grow.
I truly hope his final journey would be a one at peace with God,
that the Lord will take him home and he would suffer no more,
and be a child again, no more pain, no more sorrow, just
joy and eternal bliss. Of course, won't our Grandma be happy
to receive him at St Peter's?
I guess I've been in my closet for too long, it's been so long
since I last got out and about, I can't even remember when.
There's too much recently and I just figured there's
no universal definition to 'oneself'.
So, go figure, doubt you ever will anyways.
Yeah, I should get out, sunshine, would do me some good.
Oh ya, it's mean but I've got to say, really.
I use, there's no vice versa.
Don't I just sound like a bitch, or what? ha!

2008-09-26T22:19:00.002+08:00

It's a liability, an obligation.
It's not something I'd look towards anymore,
maybe these few months changed my perspective
of things. I'm sure!
But I sure hope it hasn't changed much though.
Since Promo's mostly out, except for a paper next week,
I would think I'm looking forward to the Lijiang trip?
I was, but now it doesn't seem that way. Funny huh!
Jeremy's going Downunder again! I tell you, army's scam.
Like seriously, but in a good way. He's going to his 3rd
for training already and poor me, I need to catch up!
World Youth Day 2011, Spain, here I come!

2008-09-26T01:29:00.002+08:00

Wake me up when September ends
It's official, tomorrow's the last paper.
Pretty 'eventful' week I must say, especially
after having one hell of a nightmare.
Can't wait to take a breather, or maybe I've been
always taking one. HAHA

2008-09-17T00:18:00.002+08:00

Christmas, come quick!

This was kinda cool. The barista made this for me when I went

to Mac's for a cuppa last year when I was working!

Right, just when I'm beginning to feel advent, just for a little,

reality check. Promo's next monday and I'm staring into the

foot of perpendiculars.

2008-09-11T20:25:00.002+08:00

Isn't it just the way we are?
When something goes wrong,
and we have no one to point our fingers at,
who do we then put the blame on?
Then, when we get our way, we totally cast him aside,
not even saying a word or two of thanks.
Really, do we want to be like that?
Yeah, I know. All that can't help it bull,
ask, and he shall give you wisdom and strength to overcome
the weaknesses of mankind.
Was he supposed to take the rap for us,
when he willingly came down to save our sorry asses?
I'm sorry, but no.
Isn't it so human to only blame him when things don't
go the way we want them too, only because he's probably
the one we can't really see, or sometimes feel?
So, we think: hey, maybe he isn't really there after all, so
heck, push everything to him, and yeah, that's about it.
You know, it's not up to us to decide if things should happen.
As they say, all things happen for a reason.
But, us being humans would demand answers, and don't we
all get all fired up because we don't get them?
Duh, we never will if we don't look around us from outside in!
Answers, are never given.
They, are always found.
Whoever said life's a bed of roses?
Nah, he's just trying. Life's a bed of thorns, or if life is even a bed
at all. Believe it or not, knock, and it shall be opened to you.
Seek ye, and you shall find.
I'm really blessed. Having come to this institution, much were raised,
much were spoken, much were ridiculed.
Horizons broaden, and many a times, contrasting, meaningless trails.
I'm really guilty of this, but you know when prayers come to mind,
I always ask, and ask and ask. He never had a chance to speak to me
through that brief conversation. Hello? Prayers are not instructions,
they're communal.
See, all things happen in his time.
"His ways are above our ways, his thoughts are above our thoughts"
How very true, next time you question, think again.
The answers may be right in front of you.
But I assure you, you'll always find them from within eventually.
You know, stop, and listen. Sometimes, it really
does you good. I've no idea why I'm so inspired to do this tonight. It's
fun, came from my heart, perky and real. Real, with the capital R, if you
don't mind.
I'm serious, I'm so gonna start revision now.

2008-09-10T23:58:00.001+08:00

Guess who are ants' greatest enemy?
Jelena Chia.

2008-09-05T20:44:00.002+08:00

Can't believe, because it seems so long ago Can't believe, because we've all come this far Can't believe, because one day, it's all gonna end Can't believe, because I still resent though I'm so blessed. Can't believe, because a just few days ago, there wasn't any realization Can't believe, because I still doubt when all things are right in front of me!

2008-08-30T22:56:00.002+08:00

I watched 'End of World' tonight on Star Movies, which is a spiritual warfare. One thing's for sure; believe and have faith, and everything would be taken care of. Promo's nearing, I'd better start studying! I seriously feel they should let us off the whole of next week!

What seems like the end is just the beginning, for the end is important for us. When the end comes for him, yeye, we'll be with you in spirit!

2008-08-29T14:54:00.000+08:00

他忘了,都把它彻彻底底地忘了!
太兴奋, 自由自在地微笑, 都没有任何限制.
以前呢, 反而让我多欣慰.
放开心胸, 没负担, 没压力, 没牵挂,
多想回到过去!
变化, 真的非常不可思议!
是否该付出最后的努力?
每天只会埋怨自己,当初怎么就轻易地送了?
到头来, 最后这两个字, 永远不会是最后.

2008-08-27T23:19:00.002+08:00

First up, had this urge to not come to school
as usual, but duh, me being me would still come.
Since when have I ever skipped school, only that
time when I overslept for sec4 supplementary!
Today was pretty eventful and not to mention, the
morning surprise which I emphasize, it's really
really hilarious! HAHAHA, nice one Lynette!
and the change of song title to 'teardrops on my
guitar' by Regina. I think Taylor swift would
probably roll her eyes if she knew what Regina said.
How funny it is to see what other fail to see!
Thanks, Regina for today.
And thank you Lord, for the rain.

2008-08-21T20:07:00.002+08:00

Impressions, it's a scary thing to have left some.
It's even scarier to have formed none.
Troubled, worry for the world.
Bleak, it's what's around me.
Salvation, always on my mind.
The Lord, never left my side.
Travel, broaden your horizons
Limits, don't narrow existing ones.
For one, no man's an island
Oblivious, others, or the one?
Faith, keep it in
Believing, what makes it going.
Love, the two beating as one.
Forever, it's a gonna be a long, long way.
As it approaches, we look back at those dreary days,
looking at the world through mist, what else could be seen?
A comforting gesture, a soft look, a sensitive word,
an assuring smile.
Through the eternal flame, the rays of what was long gone
and forgotten, we remember, oh , how we do!
When Death left all of us behind, it wasn't without any
other reason.
Pain no more, grieve no more!
For he has long gone into the Lord's house, into his arms,
and waiting for all of us when the day comes;
Until angels close my eyes,
in loving memory.